I am a woman in my mid-30’s and I don’t have any children.
What I’m about to say next may blow your mind but… I don’t want any children.
Yep, that’s right. Those lil critters are just not for me. Never have been, never will be.
And you know what? I am TIRED of having to explain myself about this. I’m fed up of being looked at as if my head is on upside down when I say that I don’t want kids. I’m pig-sick of being asked “but, but… WHY?!” by horrified people.
Like, what is really so bad about me not wanting to reproduce? How does it have any bearing whatsoever on your life?
If someone I know finds themselves pregnant, I congratulate them. I don’t scream at them “but, but… WHY?!”
I don’t understand anyone’s need and/or desire to be a parent anymore than they probably understand my need and/or desire NOT to be a parent. But here’s the difference – I mind my own.
Imagine if the roles were reversed:
“Oh, you’re pregnant? Ew. Why on Earth would you choose to have a baby? You know that it’s now then – goodbye to your money, your social life and your sanity. Good luck cleaning up all that vomit and shit on the daily. Are you gonna buy some earplugs? You know, to try to zone out from all that crying and screaming you’re gonna have to endure. Also, you may wanna invest in a new eye cream as you won’t be seeing much in the way of sleep for a LONG time. Bet you can’t wait to spend half your wages on a nursery place when you go back to work…”
I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I’d just like to add a little disclaimer here:
I am not, in any way, shape or form, critcising anyone for BEING a parent or for wanting to be one. I am also not suggesting that what I’ve just written above is the be all and end all of motherhood/fatherhood. I appreciate that there is a hell of a lot more to it – including many pleasurable things and not just the horrors that I’ve outlined 😂
However, the older I’m getting, the more pissed off I’m finding myself at the constant line of questioning or silly statements about my own life choices.
1) “Ahh, you’ll change your mind. I used to say I didn’t want them either”.
2) “You just haven’t found the perfect man yet”.
3) “But who will look after you when you’re old?”
4) “You’ll never know what true love really feels like until you have children”.
5) “But it’s just natural isn’t it? What will you do with your time otherwise?”
Well, I got some answers for you right here!
1) Just because YOU changed your mind, doesn’t mean that I will. I actually find it incredibly condescending when other people seem to think that they know my own mind better than I do.
2) Well, to me, the perfect man also wouldn’t want to have kids 🤷♀️😂 Also, just because a guy may want kids, doesn’t mean that I’ll change my mind just for him (see point 1 again).
3) The nursing home. Jeez, as if this is even any kind of legitimate reason to bring a child into the world. I despair!
4) I really don’t think my eyes could roll back any further. I think this is probably the worst thing I hear when it comes to being childless. How dare you. I both feel and receive immense love for and from my family and friends. I actually have 2 nephews (believe it or not!) who I completely adore. I genuinely believe that I couldn’t love them any more than I do. I’ve loved spending time with them and watching them grow. But then I also appreciate the quiet once they go back home to their folks.
5) You know what? You might be right about this one. Whatever will I DO?!
Or… I don’t know… how about:
Cook, go to restaurants, visit the theatre, sleep, climb a mountain, travel, read, watch some telly or a film, paint, sew/knit, take an art class, exercise, study, learn a new skill, train for a marathon, join a choir, find a cure for cancer – THE LIST IS ENDLESS.
Another big reason as to why I dislike the whole “so, do you want kids?” or “when do you think you’ll have kids?” line of questioning is – there are some women out there who physically can’t have them. It may be everything that they’ve ever wanted and heartbreakingly for them, they’re not able to (for a multitude of possible reasons). You may just think that you’re making simple conversation or asking a harmless question, but you’re really not. It’s massively insensitive and I would urge you to think again before you ask anyone this.
So, to summarise, stop asking me – and other women – when they’re going to have kids, or why they don’t want any. Or next time you do, I may just have to ask you why you chose to do this: