Childfree, Children, Family, No children, No kids, Parenthood, Parenting, Parents

The One Question You Need To Stop Asking Me

I am a woman in my mid-30’s and I don’t have any children.

What I’m about to say next may blow your mind but… I don’t want any children.

Yep, that’s right. Those lil critters are just not for me. Never have been, never will be.

And you know what? I am TIRED of having to explain myself about this. I’m fed up of being looked at as if my head is on upside down when I say that I don’t want kids. I’m pig-sick of being asked “but, but… WHY?!” by horrified people.

Like, what is really so bad about me not wanting to reproduce? How does it have any bearing whatsoever on your life?

If someone I know finds themselves pregnant, I congratulate them. I don’t scream at them “but, but… WHY?!”

I don’t understand anyone’s need and/or desire to be a parent anymore than they probably understand my need and/or desire NOT to be a parent. But here’s the difference – I mind my own.

Imagine if the roles were reversed:

“Oh, you’re pregnant? Ew. Why on Earth would you choose to have a baby? You know that it’s now then – goodbye to your money, your social life and your sanity. Good luck cleaning up all that vomit and shit on the daily. Are you gonna buy some earplugs? You know, to try to zone out from all that crying and screaming you’re gonna have to endure. Also, you may wanna invest in a new eye cream as you won’t be seeing much in the way of sleep for a LONG time. Bet you can’t wait to spend half your wages on a nursery place when you go back to work…”

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I’d just like to add a little disclaimer here:

I am not, in any way, shape or form, critcising anyone for BEING a parent or for wanting to be one. I am also not suggesting that what I’ve just written above is the be all and end all of motherhood/fatherhood. I appreciate that there is a hell of a lot more to it – including many pleasurable things and not just the horrors that I’ve outlined 😂

However, the older I’m getting, the more pissed off I’m finding myself at the constant line of questioning or silly statements about my own life choices.

1) “Ahh, you’ll change your mind. I used to say I didn’t want them either”.

2) “You just haven’t found the perfect man yet”.

3) “But who will look after you when you’re old?”

4) “You’ll never know what true love really feels like until you have children”.

5) “But it’s just natural isn’t it? What will you do with your time otherwise?”

Well, I got some answers for you right here!

1) Just because YOU changed your mind, doesn’t mean that I will. I actually find it incredibly condescending when other people seem to think that they know my own mind better than I do.

2) Well, to me, the perfect man also wouldn’t want to have kids 🤷‍♀️😂 Also, just because a guy may want kids, doesn’t mean that I’ll change my mind just for him (see point 1 again).

3) The nursing home. Jeez, as if this is even any kind of legitimate reason to bring a child into the world. I despair!

4) I really don’t think my eyes could roll back any further. I think this is probably the worst thing I hear when it comes to being childless. How dare you. I both feel and receive immense love for and from my family and friends. I actually have 2 nephews (believe it or not!) who I completely adore. I genuinely believe that I couldn’t love them any more than I do. I’ve loved spending time with them and watching them grow. But then I also appreciate the quiet once they go back home to their folks.

5) You know what? You might be right about this one. Whatever will I DO?!

Or… I don’t know… how about:

Cook, go to restaurants, visit the theatre, sleep, climb a mountain, travel, read, watch some telly or a film, paint, sew/knit, take an art class, exercise, study, learn a new skill, train for a marathon, join a choir, find a cure for cancer – THE LIST IS ENDLESS.

Another big reason as to why I dislike the whole “so, do you want kids?” or “when do you think you’ll have kids?” line of questioning is – there are some women out there who physically can’t have them. It may be everything that they’ve ever wanted and heartbreakingly for them, they’re not able to (for a multitude of possible reasons). You may just think that you’re making simple conversation or asking a harmless question, but you’re really not. It’s massively insensitive and I would urge you to think again before you ask anyone this.

So, to summarise, stop asking me – and other women – when they’re going to have kids, or why they don’t want any. Or next time you do, I may just have to ask you why you chose to do this:

12 thoughts on “The One Question You Need To Stop Asking Me”

  1. YESSSS to aaaallll of this!! I don’t want kids and I get all of these questions ALL the time. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I WANT kids. I don’t even like kids, to be honest. I mean, I love my niece (I’m the cool aunt and that’s as close to being a mom as I want to get!), but I’m just not a kid person. And I think that’s perfectly okay. Everyone else is having babies, so the world will still be populated, it’s not like it’s up to me. I think it’s perfectly okay to be happy with yourself or in a relationship, without having kids. You can still be fulfilled without having kids. Some people just don’t get it. And they need to learn to mind their own business!
    Great post!! It was so relatable plus it made me laugh. Thanks!!
    Emily | https://www.thatweirdgirllife.com

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    1. Hey Emily, I’m so glad that you enjoyed the post! Thanks so much for your lovely comment too 😊 It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in my feelings. I totally hear you when you say “I’m just not a kid person” – story of my life!

      Like

  2. I don’t have kids either. For question #3, I have always wondered if those people who ask that question ever consider the opposite case – what if your child has a disability or special needs and can never take care of himself… Then you’ll end up being old and not only not have nobody to care for you but also have to figure out who will care for your child when you pass away. That’s a tough one.

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    1. That’s an interesting way of looking at it and one I’d not even thought of. You make a very good point! Thank you for reading 😊

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  3. Where have you been all my life?!! You’re hilarious and I totally get a lot of this! I’m 32 and my aunties are always asking me all these questions! I’m more of a cat lady and I figure if I’m meant to have kids, it’ll happen!

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    1. Haha, thank you, I’m glad you liked the post! Maybe we should go around asking people when they’re gonna STOP having kids? Turn the tables a bit 😂 I wish I could have a cat but I’m bloody allergic 🤦🏻‍♀️

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  4. You have no idea how much I deeply appreciate your honesty not only with yourself but with the world as well. It is people like you who bend to peer pressure and have kids they do not want that leave behind the damaged children this world sees.
    Children are not for everyone and I respect that you know they are not for you. It is a shame society finds the need to impress an image that woman must have children on those who do not want to be past of that stereotype.

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    1. Yeah, it definitely grates on me that some sections of society seem to view women as baby making machine and not much else. It’s quite sad! I definitely agree re: bringing an unwanted child into the world. Thank you for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Omg this post was hilarious to read cleaning up vomit & shit, spend you life saving basically on childcare, need ear plugs for the noise, everything is so true but I respect your wishes if you choose not to have children. Everyone has the choice and my bff chose not to have any and I don’t look at her strange it’s a personal decision and people should respect it. But there’s always that nosey someone who wants to debate it. Tell them get a life!! Period great read

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  6. I LOVED this post, I’ve literally never wanted children at all and I’m always getting asked to add insult to injury I physically can’t have children so when people constantly ask I’m like whyyyy!? I hate this you might change your mind mentality so much x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿 http://www.kayleighzaraa.com

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  7. One of the worst things on the list of “OMG I cannot believe my Mom said that” was when she told my SIL, who had recently miscarried and was waiting for fertility treatment, “It’s alright. I don’t mind if you and my son don’t have children”.
    :-O
    (They brought nephew 4 into the world last October and shockingly enough haven’t made much of an effort to include Mom)
    I always wanted kids, until one day I decided that it wouldn’t be a responsible decision for me to have them. I do not have the mental capacity (or health) to care for a child full time. It was a sucky decision to have to make, so I really hate it when I get questioned on it or told I’ll change my mind, especially when it’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s that I know I can’t provide a good, stable, upbringing.
    But I am an awesome Aunt and I love that. I’m visiting Nephew 1 and Niece 1 next week and I’m so excited!

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