Ambition, Career, Goals, Job, Life

Anyone Seen My Ambition?

Yep, you read that title right.  I have no ambition.

Well, that’s clearly a lie.  I have ambitions to win the lottery and become a lady of leisure.  Travelling the world, having delicious brunches, looking amazing as I can afford to have somebody blow dry my hair for me every day.  I have ambitions to be able to eat what I like and never put on any weight.  I have ambitions to finally secure those ever elusive 8 hours of sleep a night.  I have ambitions of becoming Justin Timberlake’s second wife.  I have ambitions to ensure my folks know just how much I bloody love the bones of them.  I could go on.

But in terms of my job/career? None. Absolutely zilch. Nada.

And I HATE it.

Waiting

I’m in my mid-30s and ever since I began working at 18 years old after college, I’ve never found anything that I particularly enjoy.  I’ve never found anything that genuinely piques my interest.  I’ve certainly never found anything that pays enough, but that’s another story.

I never knew what the hell I wanted to be when I ‘grew up’.  The Careers Advisor at school could do bugger all with me.  I was very much an “I don’t know” kind of kid.  Fast-forward 20 years and nothing has changed.  I have friends who always knew what they wanted to do and they went out there and did it.  They’re teachers, social workers, graphic designers, vets.  And my God, I’m so envious of them.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naïve enough to think that just because they’re doing what they always wanted that it’s going to be plain sailing for them.  I’m damn sure that they still experience bad days and have times when they can’t be bothered to face the working day.  But surely, they have it a lot more sussed than little old me?

I’ve always struggled with pinpointing something that gave me some fire in my belly.  I consider myself quite a passionate person, who can work hard.  I just wish I could find something to direct that towards workwise.  Writing is something that has always kind of held my interest to a degree, which is why I finally started this blog.  However, am I good enough to make any form of a career out of this?  Well, time can only tell on that front.

IDK.gif

I began a new job two weeks ago, which has messed with my head somewhat.  When I say a new job, I’m primarily doing the same job role for the same company, for the same money, just in a different department.  So although it’s “new”, it’s also not really new, if that makes any sense at all?!

I spent the first week wondering if I’d made a mistake and if I should’ve just stayed where I was.  I found it boring.  But then, I found my old department boring too, so what would I have gained from staying put?  I’ve felt really lost and upset to be quite honest.  I tried to tell myself that the next week would be better.  I’ve just reached the end of my second week and yeah, I’m feeling a tad better about things.  More so in terms of actually knowing what I’m doing in the job role.  But am I finding it any less boring?  That’d be a no.

I never did go to university.  The main reason was that I honestly couldn’t think of a single subject area that would interest me enough to want to study it for another three or more years.  I wish so so much that there was something out there for me.

A lot of people tell me not to be so hung up on this.  That there’s plenty of people out there who’ve never known what they want to be or do either, and I get that.  But at the same time, it’s hard not to get hung up on it.  You spend the best years of your bloody life at work!  You spend more time with your colleagues than with your own family, friends and significant others.  And when you’re not happy and not feeling it, how can you even imagine enduring another 30-odd more years of it?!

I mentioned money earlier on and whilst it’s important, I fully recognise that it isn’t everything.  I think I’d actually accept a pay cut if it meant finding something that made me happy as ultimately, isn’t that what it’s all about?  I’m going to have to keep searching as this present feeling of total un-fulfilment is really not the one.  Maybe it’ll just come to me one day, like an epiphany?  One can only hope.  I’m going to wrap this up with some wise words from the main man:

John Lennon.jpg

 

21 thoughts on “Anyone Seen My Ambition?”

  1. I will be 27 in December and I have had 16 paid jobs since the age of 16 and this does not include my voluntary work. My CV looks amazing and recruiters love me but I am yet to find a job that puts fire in my belly.
    You are not alone with post believe me. I have a first class degree and I have had some amazing jobs but I am yet to find one that i truly love.
    I started my blog this year and when I tell you i love it so much. I am even shocked that i have gound something that I love to the point where doing it for free does noy phase me.
    I am in a weird space with working but i honestly believe there is something out there for you, like me too.
    I have started praying about this recently and although I have not got my answer yet, I believe something will come.
    The same for you too!
    Jenna
    Xoxo
    https://jennasworldview.com/2018/10/18/britain-have-black-icons-too/

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, 16 jobs! At least you’re not afraid of trying different things in your quest to find the one that you truly love. I’ve applied for a few different jobs this year but have missed out, unfortunately. I guess I’ll have to keep trying! Thank you so much for reading ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This post is so relatable oh wow, I don’t think theres anything wrong with not having a set idea of what you’d like to do and jobs are not everything. Maybe you’ll find fulfilment in other pursuits and perhaps thats why you’ve not found it yet, I’m sure the right thing is waiting just around the corner 💛 best of luck with everything! and I love that Lennon quote. Thanks for sharing x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s always hard when you make changes and they don’t seem to make a difference. It’s also really hard not to get hung up on it – and people telling you to let things go makes it worse. I hope things get better for you and that you can continue to enjoy writing. I think a lot of people struggle to really know what they want.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. How relatable is this? I’ve been in the same workplace since I was 17, just worked my way up, Ill be 26 soon. I’d love to leave but at the same time I really don’t want to because I have no ambition to do anything, but no ambition to do anything else with my career within my job role haha.

    But you know what… it okay 🙂 and thats all that matter

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I’ve been in the same workplace for 12 years now, which is so long! Worked in 4 different department during that time, although none of them have really interested me much. Thank you for reading 🙂 xx

      Like

  5. i loved this post it was so relatable and honestly comforting. im 24 and while I love my job it doesn’t pay enough for me to support myself but i have no idea what else I’d like to do besides work for myself but that doesn’t happen overnight and bills don’t stop because i have a dream. i will be praying and sending you all my positive vibes. also you’ll be justin’s third wife…i’m second 😂😂 xxx

    mich / simplymich.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading lovely! And well… it looks like we’re gonna have a lil fight on our hands where Mr JT is concerned 😜 xx

      Like

  6. I can absolutely relate! I’ve had so many interests and passions growing up, I never knew which way to focus my energy. I’ve had a lot of jobs through high school, college, and the several years I have spent after my undergraduate work. The most important thing I have learned from is simply trying new things–pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, taking risks…it’s never too late to learn more about what makes you happy. Best of luck to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did voluntary work in an area that actually did interest me for just over 3 years. I was hoping it would lead to a paid job but this didn’t happen unfortunately. It was in a notoriously difficult field to get into though. In the end, my hours increased in my actual real job, so I had to stop volunteering. Hoping something else comes along that fires me up soon enough! Thank you for reading 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is such a relatable post! I have only really found what I enjoy doing with my apprenticeship, but I still sometimes have the thoughts of “is this really what I want to do?”. It’s tough, and especially tough when you first leave education. I didn’t go to university myself either because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. Luckily I have been able to do this apprenticeship and will be able to further my education if I would like to afterwards.

    Amy,
    https://creativenails.uk

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I still don’t know what I want to be either and I’m older than you, but guess what? That’s just means you get to experiment with learning new skills and different activities. When you feel passionate about a particular aspect of your work, you will be on the right track.

    Liked by 1 person

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