Adulting, Fitting in, Friendship, Life, Struggling

Where is my jigsaw?

I currently feel as though I’m a piece of a puzzle. But the puzzle I belong to doesn’t appear to exist. I’m just a lone piece, rattling around in an empty box.

In short, I don’t fit in.

To elaborate…

What does a person do when they feel as though they don’t fit in anymore? Cause I would reeeeally appreciate a little help here people.

I’ve been feeling totally shit of late and the reason is that I just don’t appear to “fit”.

My friendship groups appear to be totally split down the middle and fall into one of two types:

Type 1) Friends who are actual, proper grown ups. They’re either married or at least in very serious, long term relationships. Some may have kids too. And those who don’t have kids are either pregnant or trying to be.

Type 2) Friends who have been married or in serious, long term relationships which have, for whatever reason, come to an end. Now they’re wondering why they wasted so much time on their exes and are back out there, sampling what the world has to offer. In spades. If you get my drift… 👉👌

Now is the time in this blog where I feel I have to insert a huge

DISCLAIMER!!

I’m totally not knocking Type 1 or Type 2 ways of living ones life. We’re all adults here and people can literally do as they please.

The issue is… Me. I am the issue. I don’t meet the criteria of either Type, thus where I find myself now.  I’m struggling so badly in social situations. I’m having way too many instances lately of feeling as if I contribute absolutely zip to conversations. I’m beginning to dread meeting up with friends as I come away feeling absolutely shit about myself.

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I just don’t know how to “be” anymore.

I find myself asking myself lately “where are my people?” But I think the question is more “who are my people?” Who exactly are my spirit animals? I literally have no idea anymore. I feel so lost.

Screen shot 2011-09-21 at 18.46.03.png

I feel as though life is going on, in its various forms, for everybody else and I’m kind of on the outside, looking in.

By the same token, I’m also not saying that I don’t wish to be friends with my friends anymore. I mean, some of these people I’ve known for decades! And I love them to bits. I think in a way, I’m the one feeling like a crappy friend as I seemingly bring nothing of value to the table anymore.

I keep repeating this shit like a mantra:

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I mean, so what if I don’t fit into Type 1 or Type 2? Maybe I’m a Type 3? Or a Type 736489? So what if my life differs to that of others?

But then the other half of my brain kicks in and I may as well don a fake ‘tache and impersonate this guy:

GoCompare

“Go compaaaaaaare, go compaaaaaare! Well if you’d like, to feel like shite, then go compaaaaaare!”

What exactly do I have going for me?

I really wish I knew how to handle this or could see a way out of it. When it first reared its ugly head I just assumed I was being a bit of a dick and it’d pass. But it just seems to be getting worse.

I’m just going to have to keep working at it I guess.

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